Female Education
Women, men, children and communities are all separately affected by the demoralizing aspect of date rape that is continuously occurring in the society that surrounds everyone. Why is it that so many individuals are aware of date rape, yet no one seems to take into consideration the importance of the issues in society? It seems to be such an unpleasant issue that it is too difficult for many to discuss. Silence is becoming too expected to the victims of date rape. The “culture of silence” keeps in the humiliation, the fear of rejection and shame that victims could be feeling everyday of their lives. Individuals want to feel normal and fit into society, so dealing with the myths and deception within society is more acceptable for them. Sometimes silence seems to be the more acceptable way in society. Date rape is interpreted differently from everyone this is where the myths and silence seems to be more acceptable.
Regardless of the laws that protect each individual, it is highly known that there are more victims who are silent than who decide to come forward. Even the term “date rape” pushes people away because it is an extremely sensitive subject. People are more aware of the myths that are throughout society than the actual aspects that surround rape. “Date rape” sounds as if it were to happen with the choice of each pattern in a dating situation. There really is no way to make the issue sound better because it is too a horrible aspect in life, but people need to take into consideration that it can happen to anyone. With all of the sensitive subjects, date rape seems to be one that is less heard of than others. “In reality, the woman who has been sexually assaulted frequently finds that both she and the accused are being judged. At the heart of this systemic bias is a long tradition of rape myths that have permeated not only the legal system, but that are pervasive in society” (Du Mont, Janice; Parnis, Deborah, 102-109). Society brings out a different definition for date rape. No one knows the aspect of what the victim goes through unless they have been there themselves. Yet many myths still seem to overtake society.
“Rape myths are part of the general culture, people learn them in the same way they acquire other attitudes and beliefs – from their families, friends, newspaper, movies and books” (Bechhoter, Parrot 28). There is no reason as to why myths occur in the first place, but this is one of the main reasons as to why victims stay silent and try to deal with the situation on their own. There are four main types of myths that deal with date rape that discourage the victims and sometimes encourage the rapist. The first myth is labeled Nothing Happened. “The first group of myths remove an incident from the category of a ‘real’ rape by denying that any incident, either sex or rape, occurred at all” (Bechhoter, Parrot 28). Even though this silence is very common, this makes it seem like it is easy for the victim to just forget everything that had happened to them. No matter the age that the individual was raped, this can make a significant change in every aspect of their life. This myth also had people thinking “that women lie, ‘crying rape’ to cover up an out-of wedlock pregnancy or to get back at men who have jilted them or refused their advances” (Bechhoter, Parrot 28). This is unethical to think because no one would ever want to put that much on themselves. Nothing Happened myth can be related to the culture of silence because they do want to try and believe that this did not happen to them, yet it tears them apart inside.
The second myth related to date rape is No Harm Was Done. “Remarks such as, if you’re not a virgin what difference does it make? And relax and enjoy it, reflects this belief implying that the rape is no different from other acts of sex the victim has experienced” (Bechhoter, Parrot, 29). The myth is noticed more in a society with younger and ignorant adolescents. This can ruin any victim of rape making them feel as if she was in the wrong. This is hard for women because they can be stereotyped with something they had no say in or either their own past. If a women has a bad past then people think that since she was date raped it was fine because it would not make a difference to her. No matter whom the person is, rape is such a severe case that it should be taken a lot more seriously than it is. This myth also states that “if a woman can be shown to have had sex with someone other than her husband, she is no longer worthy of the law’s protection – she is fair game, or an open territory victim as Clark and Lewis (1977) phrased.” This certainly was stated many years ago, but the fact is that people actually would put this on a woman and back then women would not have much say in the first place.
The third myth is known as She Wanted It. “Frighteningly, some people also still believe that women like to be treated violently and that force is sexually stimulating to women. This line of reasoning ultimately comes down to ‘There’s no such thing as rape’” (Bechhoter, Parrot 30). How can someone deliberately think that anyone would want to be raped, or would enjoy it? No wonder there is such a specialized definition of the culture of silence. Who would want to go through that pain of dealing with rape, and then having individuals believing the victim wanted it.
The fourth group of myths is known as She Deserved It. “This myth admits that there was sex and that the sex was forced, but they hold the woman responsible…if she was flirting, if she was attractively dressed etc. she got into the game of sexuality and once in the game, society loads her with the full responsibility for whatever happens” (Bechhoter, Parrot 31). Yes it is a persons choice as to what they decide to wear, but in no way does someone wake up in the morning and dressed to ‘get raped.’ Certainly being a woman people need to take into consideration it is dangerous but no one ever should hold the blame for it. The consequences of all of these myths are that they teach women to blame themselves for what had happened to them and they will bring themselves down in the future. It is horrible to even think that these myths are out in every society, and to think that some people actual will go along with them, when they are hurting many victims surrounding them
Since these myths are common, it is fairly obvious what brings the culture of silence into society. Victims of date rape do not want to have the description of them as something they are not. These victims will have to carry their memories with them forever and they do not want to have the feelings of shame and harassment coming from others. The culture of silence can easily be related to the article “The Problem That Has No Name” by Betty Fridan. It was and still is hard for some women to talk about their problems at home and to the people they love because they think it is wrong to speak out against their husbands. The feeling that they still are not equal to men keeps their emotions in and they do not want to be looked down to. It also is the aspect that men are inferior to women, and they feel that there is nothing more that they can do than to stay silent. A lot of women get similarly affected and it is a silent issue that no one ever wants to talk about. “For fifteen years women in America found it harder to talk about their problems than about sex. Even the psychoanalysts had no name for it” (Friedan, 1991). This still relates to rape because no matter what the problem was it was difficult for any woman to talk about their problems. They do not want to feel the dissatisfaction of being less than their husband so they keep all of their problems to themselves. She may feel anyone she talks to will not believe her, or they will judge her by what has happened to her. Also, it is strenuous on them because they will have to go through the horrifying memories again in order to let someone know. All of these women wanted was to fit into society and have a normal life like the upper-class women, so why would they want to let themselves feel inferior to the people they look up to. Even though this article was about a problem that no one could understand what it was about, it could have happened to anyone and that fact of the matter was that no one wanted to talk about it. They felt that something must be wrong with them in order for a problem to occur. These women never wanted to confess about what was going on in their lives, because they wanted to feel normal and have their husbands be proud of them. No one wanted to be centered out and have people talk about them because something had happened to them, or their husbands/family knew something was wrong. The culture of silence seems to be more accepted since no one wants to be different than others in society or focused on.
This on other terms could also be related to eating disorders that have been discussed in class. The individual knew that something was wrong but why would they want to let everyone else know what was going on. Everyone is affected in a particular way yet it is such a silent issue that no one came out about. It is something people deal with themselves until they actually are aware that it can be normal and they do need to be treated and looked after to move on with their lives. The feeling of having a secret of staying silent hurts inside but no one wants to let their community know they are hurting. They cannot help that this happened but sometime feel that it was there fault and they are too ashamed to consult someone about it. Eating disorders are something that people look down to and they know that something is wrong with the person and that they need help. Being a victim of rape may be able to show but the individual does not feel they need to be pampered because of something that went wrong. The person that was affected may feel like they are the only one going through this problem however there are many victims that need to break through this culture of silence in order for them to try and move on with their lives. When someone fights over their eating disorder they feel as if they have a second chance in their life, and this disease did not bring them down with it. The culture of silence is the disease in this case, and it can bring the victim down as far as it can go unless they do overcome their fears and help themselves in the long run. Date rape victims feel as well that they overcame their fears and were able to move on when finally came through and helped themselves out by breaking the silence. Yet, the silence is so common that it is harder for them to think it is right for someone to talk about their problems. These stories/myths are too one type of cause of the culture of silence because it is what could be holding them back because they are too afraid of getting hurt again within their society.
In conclusion, in order for the culture of silence to be broken, society needs to take control and stop these specifically four myths from silencing the victims of rape. There are so many groups of surviving individuals that are currently helping them move on in their lives today. Still though the “culture of silence” keeps in the humiliation, the fear of rejection and shame that victims could be feeling everyday of their lives. Date rape can be compared to different aspects of women’s lives, but nothing is even close to exactly what these individuals have to try and overcome. In order for something to be done, people need to start now and help bring awareness into the communities and households of society. But there is no cure for these victims unless they decide to help heal themselves by opening up to someone who will indeed be there for them and help them through whatever they need. The culture of silence is the next step that needs to be broken for people of today’s future in order to survive mental, physically and emotionally.
Bibliography:
Work Cited
Bechhoter, Lauire., Parrot, Andrea. Acquaintance Rape The Hidden Crime. New York: A Wiley- Interscience Publication, 1991.
Du Mont, Janice., Parnis, Deborah. Judging women: the pernicious effects of rape mythology. Copyright: Canadian Woman Studies, 1995.
Ruth, Sheila. Issues in Feminism. 3rd Edition. Toronto: Mayfield Publication Co.,1995.
