Comments #12
The student uses pathos as evidence to connect the authors claim about the state of water in Texas and therefore tries to connect to the audience emotionally. For example, the student uses the phrase ‘In Texas alone …’ to get the attention of the audience and at the same time connect with them emotionally. The student has also used facts such as ‘Texas has dropped their water usage by 55% since 1955…’. The phrase above is a fact that shows how the rate of water usage in Texas has been used since 1955. The student also uses observed details like ‘Many people are not aware of how much water they are wasting that is why it is not something many people think of’.
The evidence provided by the writer is not enough as there are little and relevant facts that guide the reader to understand the message the student is passing. The points are not clearly brought out, and this may make the reader not understand what exactly the student wants to convey. There are no sources to authenticate the students work and therefore most of the work can be termed as being an assumption as the reader is left to differentiate for themselves. The student should improve by adding more evidence to the paper and at the same time authenticating the sources where the information is obtained from by referencing the author or providing the links. The student should also arrange the work in a good format that connects the text from the introduction, body and conclusion, and all the parts should be separated. The student should also avoid pasting words that are from the passage after the narration such as said Buck Owens; instead, the word should be rephrased before the quotation to, Buck Owens asserted that….
Comment #14
The student has done excellent work and has provided enough evidence from the text. The student has used quotations from the journal to authenticate the assertions. The student uses a common ground to connect to the readers through such phrases as ‘Knowing that droughts are a normal part of Texas water cycle…’ The student is able to remind the readers that drought is part of the Texas water cycle. The student also acknowledges the author of the journal to which he has deduced his facts, and this makes the reader aware that the information is not the student’s assumption. The student as well recognizes the articles and journals from which the information is obtained, and this makes the information more credible.
The work has been greatly researched with vivid evidence, with the formatting of the essay being broken down into paragraphs. However, there are some things the student needs to improve like too many quotations in the text. The use of many direct quotes may be irrelevant if the readers do not connect to what the student wants to pass through. Before quoting, the student should make a little narration about the issue and the support it with evidence from the text.
